


Thrown Away

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Of Light and Fire [5]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Drunk Poe Dameron, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Backstory, Light snark, M/M, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Sad Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 02:35:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17479589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Two lovers-who-might-have-been, separated.





	Thrown Away

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: For a challenge I’m doing: https://brokenedgeben.tumblr.com/post/182045616406/my-new-fanfic-challenge. Kind of doing this out of order.

Poe should have been there. Kylo simply knows it, even as he stands on the bridge of the Finalizer, masked and hooded. He can’t bear to think of the empty space just next to him, where Poe should be.

Poe should have been there, and Kylo left him behind.

He didn’t want to. Not really. He didn’t want to because he was and is in the end selfish. He did in the end because it was better off this way for Poe. Keeping him safe.

Yes. Safe. Safe from what he’s doing. Safe from his taint. Everything he’s done so far has left him effectively tainted. How do you hold onto yourself when every day it seems that you’re sinking deeper into muck and mire? When you’ve sunk so low?

Kylo knows it. Every kill, every choice he’s made...he has sunk low. He’s effectively ruined, and trapped, and there’s no retrieving.

Poe, meanwhile, is all right. He’s free. He’s safe, happy. He’s okay. If he hadn’t ultimately made the choice to leave him behind, to keep him safe, Kylo knows he would have hated him.

What would have happened, Kylo wonders, if Poe had chosen to come with him? Perhaps they would be looking out over the stars together, wondering how best to mold the galaxy in their image.

Perhaps...

Kylo turns away from the viewport. He doesn’t throw a fit, a “tantrum” as Hux would call it when he thinks Kylo’s not listening. In the end, he’s tired. In the end, he misses Poe like a limb that he amputated himself, and a life that he threw away.

No, he thinks, that Luke threw away. Who knows what would have happened if Poe had come with him? Who knows what would have happened if they had both been happy?

Would they have?

Kylo doesn’t know. He only knows that no matter what happens, he will love Poe Dameron, son of Kes Dameron and Shara Bey, now-Resistance pilot, with all his heart.

***

He knows he should stop after, what, the second or third glass of Yavin ale, but Poe wants to at least get to sleep without having nightmares. Nightmares about Ben that seem to be getting stronger lately. Alcohol’s a good dream-killer, and for that matter, a good nightmare-killer. He could use it. It’s fresh off losing Ben, and he’s trying to cope with it the best he can.

When all else fails, drink.

Across the cantina on Yavin IV, someone is wailing some off-key cheesy break-up song — very drunkenly at that — into a microphone on stage. Brilliant. It’s like the cantina itself is mocking Poe. Or maybe he should take some solace here, that he isn’t alone.

He takes the ring on the chain around his neck and remembers how it could have been Ben’s. Should have belonged to Ben. He thinks of everything, right here, right now, they lost, and mourns it — no, no, Poe corrects himself, everything that Ben Solo threw away.


End file.
